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About MARIAL MARIAL in the News Three myths about work and family that obscure the real issues Boston Globe January 16, 2005 By Maggie Jackson, Globe Correspondent We're well into January, but don't let your New Year spirit disappear. As we look ahead, it's a great time to leave behind some of the more tenacious and dangerous myths of work-life balance. These are the convictions that influence our decisions about work and family but just aren't true. Such assumptions blend a kernel of truth with a heap of fiction. ''They're the simple answers, they're wish fulfillment,'' says Bradd Shore, an anthropologist who directs the Center for Myth and Ritual in American Life at Emory University. It may take some mental spade work, but we need to bury these myths and ground our work-life discussions in the bigger truths, whether we're at the kitchen table or the conference table. Here are my nominations for the first to go: Mothers shouldn't work. ''You can't tell very much about how a child will turn out simply because his or her mother worked,'' says Ellen Galinsky, head of the Families and Work Institute. What matters more to children's well-being are factors such as a mother's responsiveness, parental income, a father's involvement, and the quality of child care received, decades of studies show. Still, this myth lingers, affecting how people treat working mothers. Research on stereotyping, published in December by American University law professor Joan Williams, shows that people tend to rate businesswomen as less competent after they have a child. But businessmen who become dads are still seen as competent -- and they're viewed as warmer. Work-life issues affect only women or parents. Wrong. We all shoulder a balancing act whose joys and burdens ebb and flow at different times in life. This column, for instance, inspires e-mails from executive men, young singles, and others juggling work-life issues. Younger workers are even coping with eldercare issues in greater numbers. One quarter of the nation's 44 million caregivers to the sick and elderly are 35 years old or younger, according to the National Alliance for Caregiving. These caregivers are starting marriages, careers, and families while caring for aging grandparents or sick parents. ''I'm not the norm,'' says Gianna Wilkins, a 36-year-old hospital administrator who lives with and cares for her 72-year-old mother who suffers from severe Alzheimer's, and her relatively self-sufficient 99-year-old grandfather. During the day, while Wilkins and her husband are at work, Wilkins' mother is in day care, but at all other times, they must bathe, feed and attend her with little respite. ''People say, 'how do you do it all' and I don't really know. She's my mom. It's not easy,'' says Wilkins. You can't have it all. Just mention ''having it all'' to people, especially women, and you'll see most cringe. These three words conjure up images of perfect children and high-powered careers with effortless balance. It's not that easy. But many people make both work and family priorities in life, and recent research is showing the rewards of being ''dual-centric.'' People who are dual-centric have better mental health and are more satisfied with their lives and their jobs than work-centric types. Furthermore, dual-centric women typically have advanced further in their careers than others, according to a study of executive women and men by the Families and Work Institute, Catalyst and Boston College. Dual-centrics don't have perfect balance. At times, work takes precedence and sometimes a family event will be the week's priority. But we are beginning to learn that we're better off if work and private life are both thriving. Maggie Jackson's Balancing Acts column appears every other week. She can be reached at maggie.jackson@att.net .
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